Love

On By blessingsonahillIn All posts, PoetryLeave a comment

Love … what is love?

beautiful beautiful love,

Is it shaped like a heart,

does it skip beats like a murmur?

No,

ugly ugly love

is shaped like a spear pierced heart

skips no beats, it’s passion!

yes

beautiful beautiful love

soaked in blood like an abattoir,

Blood stained tombs made whole!

No

ugly ugly love

turned in riches for rugs

beauty for Sheol and it’s death

Yes

Beautiful beautiful love

tore my tomb open

restored my moth eaten flesh

No

ugly ugly love

can take it all away

Christ stands victorious

Christ is love

 

Book review: God is the Gospel

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I’ve been meaning to review this book for a while now, but haven’t gotten to it. I read this book a while ago, and these are my thoughts. John Piper makes a compelling case for how and why God is the Gospel. I found myself constantly agreeing with what he said and found nothing disagreeable in the book. The only thing I can say that I found odd, was that I found myself not having a heart reaction, which for me is a shame, because mere head knowledge is not what the Gospel should do, or at least that’s what I think. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with the book; I think the problem is the state of my heart before God, and not what’s being presented, which I think is a dangerous place to be. What I think this book does, is dispel the notions that the Gospel is people centred, because at the end of the day, we find our being in Christ and only God is the centre of all we believe. It offers hope, even for me who has all this head knowledge–because the Gospel is about God, and His glorious ways, and because we fit into His picture–He loves us, for His glory’s sake, and that works in our favour. If you are struggling to understand how the Gospel works, or even if you are struggling to find contentment, and glorify God in all seasons, this book will make for good reading … I for one plan on reading this book again.

 

down the isle

On By blessingsonahillIn All posts, VignnettesLeave a comment

The doors open, and that’s her cue. She turns to baTata and smiles, her heart lessening it’s flatter. He looks different in a suit, but black is definitely his colour; she’s never seen him look this handsome. Hooking her arm in his, he leads her forward. This is the last time he will lead her, and she’s filled with a sense of loss; her father, her world—but only momentarily because before her is a man she loves. Her steps, in line with her father, she’s focused only on the two men; the one beside her and the one ahead of her. The music, her pledge to the man in front of her and a testament to the one beside her, she smiles at the words as tears fill her big brown eyes behind the veil. Her heart picks up pace again as her father hands her over to the other man in black, her small delicate hand in his big hand, one hand against her back, he places her hand in her fiancé’s arm and urges her forward. She hesitates; there’s something missing.

Putting her arms around her father’s neck, she whispers in his ear “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He smiles, before releasing her so the service can start.

Clean slate

On By blessingsonahillIn All posts, Family life, Food for thought, PoetryLeave a comment

Clean slate, we come into this world,

Nothing written on the pages of our lives

Like trees even before they’re pressed between our palms,

We are soft, angels they say,

 

But in our veins flood the messages from those before

Like branding irons, our parents passed on

Beyond our comprehension, traits, their choices,

They say genes remember…

 

Curses! Like Cain! Like Adam! Like me!

Shot by my life giver before my life began

Cursed by love, out of fear of her past

My genes do remember …

 

My sin calls curses out, stronger!

Truth is less audible in this noise

Of who’s right or wrong,

And whether I’m possessed or just maimed by fate.

 

My sin drowns Love’s calls;

Truth is less audible in this vision

Noosed round my neck by your loving hands

My genes do remember…

 

If not because of fate or makeup

Then by mere words spoken

Like knives, they draw out your blood in me

My genes will remember…

 

Seen only as a product of your choices

Cursed beyond even Christs’ blood

Whatever sins were hers to bear

I’m branded with, for life, to bear…

 

Oh yes, my genes will remember

If you let them, might remember

Christ’s blood louder calls

Louder than these curses and visions of me.

Domestic violence, a confession.

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This is it, this is my confession. Hi, I am Blessings on a hill, I am 26 and I was a victim of domestic violence.

My Zambia

On By blessingsonahillIn All posts, The best of AfricaLeave a comment

For the “diasporic” Zambian, there’s need to understand that the Zambia we left behind no longer exists. I am a ‘diasporic Zambian’, who has lived outside this land for the greater part of 9 years. My daughter has grown up in foreign lands, like an Israelite in Egypt, and like Moses, speaks like an Egyptian.

To her, everything will look foreign and even more than they do me, certain things will irritate. Yes, a lot of things have changed; friends and family are married, others are being born, and so many have died. That’s probably the hardest part for me but the dead are gone, with nothing but their eternity before them, their fates are sealed. What worries me now, is this Zambia that is emerging, different in so many ways to my childhood Zambia, yet so similar.

Our new Zambia has less trees, more buildings and less rain, less food, more load shedding, more retrenched miners, more corruption, and a greater Chinese presence that challenges my racial bias (yes, you heard right, I have to fight the racist in me, every time I get on that plane with so many chinese nationals, who I doubt mean well in Zambia, based on previous record, and sometimes, the racist wins). Is that a justification for my bias? No! I worry at the greater US presence here, the increase in foriegn investment and plainly,  how things are done. Where people see development, I see exploitation and unsustainable development, and maybe I’m just a tad bit pessimistic, but I worry for those being left behind in the boom and what sort of Zambia we shall leave behind, and just like I ask, my father’s why they would leave things this bad, I fear my children will ask me the same over a worse Zambia.

I am a diasporic Zambian, and part of being Zambian is accepting this new Zambia for what it is, not looking at it through a rose coloured lense, but accepting that our home has changed, even people and their values have changed; but then our Zambia is just that–home–with all that’s going on, with all that’s changed, just as we too have changed, it’s still beautiful.

what is love

On By blessingsonahillIn All posts, Food for thoughtLeave a comment

What is love? I’ve been pondering this question a lot lately. Sometimes I say it without considering its meaning or implications; it becomes mundane and ordinary. But in a world of hurting people, love is glue that mends even shattered souls, and yet, love, as it’s so widely portrayed has become less and less about service or making more of others than ourselves. It has become a currency with us using people’s desire to be loved as a way to get our wants met. We’re all guilty of reducing it to something it’s not.

If God is love, then we can draw from His character to determine what love truly is. Because God loves, he does not watch people living in their errors, nor does he endorse them; he instead draws us out, always at a cost to himself. He disciplines, he shields, he provides, and no matter how far we fall, he picks us up and never forsakes us. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills but is willing to give it up for our sake. 1st Corinthians, talks of love, and in all it says, you see Godlike-ness.

Love is long suffering, is kind, has no envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonour others, doesn’t seek its own way, is slow to anger, doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, nor does it delight in evil, but rejoices in truth, bears, believes hopes and endures ALL things.

That is love! Not the temporary commitment that walks out when irreconcilable differences arise, or the kind that walks out on family when it comes to terms with its sexual orientation, or the love that raises children to be “mini-me”s. Loves meets the needs of others and is not selfish and self-centred. I realise that I have not reached my full potential for love; I am selfish, self-centred and proud, and forgiveness is not my strongest trait. In our humanity we are flawed, but there is always hope for us, and even as we have failed in our expression of love, God gives us grace to do better, but also makes provisions for where we fail, picks us up and always walks things out with us.

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In this life, we must walk alone … There are things that we must work out on our own, griefs that others cannot grasp, blames that can never be handed to anyone. Things are what they are, love cures some things but not all things! Dawn rises and darkness falls, a cycle we must all accept. One day light will win, I hold on to that, but in my inability to overcome my ghosts, in the midst of my sin and humanity, I fear a day when there will seem nothing worth fighting for, or that at the end of it all, I wouldn’t have been one who was loosed … There are plenty of struggles no one can bear for another, they must be  carried, towards death.

What makes a person pen out goodbye letters when they are well? It’s that they have already died to this life. They have lost all hope and their hearts have been so muddied by life that they can’t see any other way. Sometimes it’s not out of revenge or anger, but out of a genuine fatigue of the soul. They say our souls don’t age, but mine has aged and fails me, but who has time for pity parties and death notes when life waits for no one? We must all carry some burden, some that no one else would understand and in their attempts at understanding and comfort, they muddy us more; so there are burdens that I understand I must carry, alone towards death

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Sister love

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20150919_110942 20150919_112623 20150919_110906 20150919_110628Two weeks ago, my sisters and I went to South of Perth and spent the night just outside of Dunsborough, then, the following day, we went down to the Mammoth cave and did a self-guided tour; this was by far, the highlight of the trip, especially the bush walk at the end. We then drove down to the Margaret River Chocolate Factory, and the Cheese Factory not before heading back to Perth.

Just four girls on the road, not really knowing what we were doing, maybe that was why it was so fun. I didn’t even sleep as much as I expected I would. It was good to get away, and be filled with a sense of nostalgia as we zoomed past the bush, feeling at home as we walked through the bush trail after our cave tour, with some people jumping because a twig brushed their leg. Walking down the beach, in the cold, wondering what snakes were possibly around (I promise you, if there were no snakes in this world, I would gladly live in the wild, with no care at all). Yes I know they have been given a place in this world, but I can’t stand to even look at them on TV.

Hunting for places to buy food and preparing a meal, took too much of our time, but girls gotta eat! Then there was the candy at the reception of the place we were staying. I’m the type of person who eats the sweets while the others make enquiries and then take some for the road … shamelessly. Let’s admit, we all like free stuff, I’m just honest about it.

I have to admit, that on this trip, I was struggling for joy, and I had to keep reminding myself, not to ruin the trip for everyone, especially considering I have done that before. In the end, we all ended up having fun, and I can say, that I’m grateful for those around me, who can cheer me up without even realising the power they have.

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Painting

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