Feminism is as vice…a lot like other things that end with ism


Women and men are equal. We’ve all heard those sayings meant to empower women, right? “Everything a man can do a woman can do better”, “There’s no difference between men and women.” But is there really a need to fight for equality by burying the differences that men and women have? Why not celebrate the similarities as well as the differences. Rather than aiming to be better than men or be like them, why not aim to be the best woman possible?

You don’t fight for equality by reverse sexism. Create a level playing field where people are appointed to positions because of capabilities and not their sex, but remember still that some capabilities are enhanced by sex because of hormones. For instance, men are stronger than women because of testosterone. Does that make us less equal? No! We have calls for legislation calling for companies to appoint a set number of women to executive jobs. Problem with that is even when a man is more capable, he misses out on a deserved position. If equality is what we want, then we have missed the point. Do we really want to get jobs because of our sex rather than the fact that we are capable?

Men and women are different and whether we like it or not, men do not have the anatomy to carry a baby, nor do they breast feed. And whether we like it or not, men are stronger, physically than women based on the simple fact that testosterone beats oestrogen. Testosterone causes increased muscle mass, which then means more strength. Does that make me less equal to men? No! it just makes me different. Fact is I need maternity leave because yes, being pregnant is hard work! It is life threatening work! But it doesn’t in anyway mean I’m a less valuable entity in the work force.

I wonder which woman or group of women decided that stay at home mums were wasting their talents or that working mums are bad mums. You have women feeling guilty about not staying home with their children wanting to feel superior to those staying home and those staying at home trying to fight for recognition. But in the end, we make our choices differently.

Part of being the best I can be is admitting that I can do a lot but can’t do everything, and I can do a lot better than men but not everything they can do. Just like they can do a lot better than me but they can’t do everything. We need each other, time to put the pitch forks down and work together!

#Vivateamcelebratingwomanhoodandmanhood!

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Zahara


one of the best musicians the world has seen

one of the best musicians the world has seen

Zahara; there’s only one word to discribe her voice: WOW! This woman can sing! She’s a South African musician and even though part of this blog is dedicated to teaching people about Zambia, just had to share because I can’t get enough of her. So here’s a video  of her song Ndiza, posted by Rocky12345 on youtube, complete with Lyrics . I do not know how correct the lyrics are as I am not Xhosa nor South African, but from searching online, they seem pretty correct. The same channel has more of her songs with the lyrics so happy listening 🙂

Traits worth having


this is pretty much a celebration of the traits that I think really make me proud to call my mayo (mother) my mum.

1. has an immense respect for elders and people in authority. This for her is not something she forces but more a trait that’s every bit a part of her. Regardless of where she is, she will not dishonour someone elderly,no matter how seemingly deserved it would be. This just had to be at the top because it’s what came to mind first before anything else.

2. My mum is welcoming and caring. Anyone and everyone is welcome in her house. She’s generally a very happy person and I’m sure everyone who knows her will agree with me on that one. In fact right now, instead of going to bed she’s up prepping for tomorrow’s lunch even though the plan was to rise early because she wants to make sure that everyone who walks through those doors will be blessed and as with most Zambian homes, you need no invitation to visit. I remember many years ago, in Chingola, she came home with a girl we all assumed was a relative…we found out later that this young lady just happened to be walking on our small dust road and she didn’tknow where she needed to be so mum took her home and she did find her way home the following day. I also remember children loved my mothers house, growing up, during holidays, our house was a full house…though it can be said that our house was always full house…and experience I will always treasure.

My mum’s a nurse and I’ve seen her work till late if she has to to get her work done.  She feels for the people she’s caring for. When she worked at Nchanga north hospital in Chingola, I remember hearing her say, “If the bathroom is not clean enough for her or her family to use, she’s not going to put her patients in there either “:)

3. Strength: My mum is one of the strongest women I know. She has an internal strength beyond words. Growing up has afforded me the chance to hear about her life and over the years and the struggles we’ve been through, I can definitely say, she is a pillar and is unshakable and I credit that strength to the steel that stills her and keeps the structure standing- JESUS!

4. Loyalty: My mum is a very loyal person. She is loyal to her friends, but more so to her family. For her that means both dad’s side as well as her own. She takes her place in the family seriously and for her even those who are seemingly foolish have a place and a role to play. She wants to excel but wants to take the clan with her. Not leaving others behind. Sometimes her efforts are misused and even trodden on, or possibly misunderstood, but she doesn’t stop because of the dream she has that includes more people than just her or her progeny.

letting go of the invaluable


I have been writing poetry for as far back as I can remember. I’ve used it mostly to process my thoughts and my emotions. Generally I can’t write unless under high emotions. I look over the pieces I’ve written and majority of them have been written under despair…In the moments of my life when I felt lost and had no way of getting out. Some have been in anger and grief, some at a point where I just let go, very few in a state of joy, love or peace.

This year has been sort of a change for me. My writing has been more balanced, less sad; I guess a reflection of my state of mind. I have written so much since July and today have to admit that I think I will never see those writings again. I saw them last a month ago, tucked in between the covers of my notebook that I misplaced together with my bible.  To be honest I’m not really all that bothered about losing my bible, not because it’s not important to me but because the notebook contained my quiet time with God; Notes about what I got from reading my bible. Poems I wrote from gems I found in the bible. Poems about loss, poems about love. I can’t get those back. I can get a new bible, and yes, I will have to get acquainted with it but I can’t get those pieces of writing back…Not happy at all but trying to hold on and hope I will find them is just shaking my walk and because of that I have to finally say goodbye…Time to let go of the idol and get acquainted with a new bible, get a new notebook and get back to writing.

One Flaw in Women


beautiful…for all my girls, enjoy

Morning Story and Dilbert

Women have strengths that amaze men…..IT IS THAT
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.

They know…

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Perfecto by B1…a review…sort of


B1 is a Zambian musician who from what I’ve seen of him, likes to sing about life issues, though some of his songs fall into the “rather” category and as such, this post shouldn’t be considered an endorsement of his music. In the song Perfecto, he sings about women being picky in regards to relationships. Basically he starts off by saying congratulations to a 30-year-old woman who has managed to stay a virgin. He then goes further and talks about how “virgin nkote ilibe maketi”- old virgin has no market…directly translated.

The message he’s trying to push forward is that women shouldn’t be picky and shouldn’t be “fault finders” because there is no one who is perfect and that all guys have faults and are fools in one way or the other and that if we keep finding faults, we will end up old virgins.

I agree with B1 in that we women can be very picky but I don’t agree that an old virgin has no market. A man of virtue will see her character and loves her regardless of age. A lot of us turn down guys because we’re scared and rather than face our fears we hide behind “no guy is good enough”. Face your fears, but don’t settle. Better a virgin at 50 than married to useless man. Decide what the nonnegotiables are but don’t be shallow. better a man who’s not good-looking but has a heart of gold, than a self-centred Mr Good-looking. Decide what the essentials are.  Whatever you want, only you know it. My aunt always says, if you want chakolwa (a drunk), tell God and He will give it.

Problem is, a lot of us don’t even know what we want. We’re serial daters, dating anything male, without considering the character. Some of us are willing to give ourselves to any man in the hope that he will love us? But why pursue something that’s out for the taking, with no cost to him??? In the end we lose out because men like to pursue and no man will marry someone they don’t respect. Cross your legs, or be content with losing out. If you chose to wait, know that “virgin inkote” (old virgin) is a very likely possibility, but be willing to carry the label proudly, because at the end of the day, not everything is about sex and not everyone is meant to get married.

Lastly, once married, it’s for life, so yes, I’m picky about important things because I know what I want and will not settle for less. You can watch the song at this link: 

Faith


This is another repost of one of my old facebook posts. It was posted way back in May last year.

“bravery is not the absence of fear”, NOR is positivity the ignoring of circumstances, feelings, horrors of the age. Bravery is getting up each morning in spite of and despite the feelings and pain and fear and living life to the full. possitivity is proclaiming God’s promises despite it all and looking at the circumstances and seeing beyond to what lies ahead because of God. It admits how bad things are but doesn’t stop there…look beyond! Both require FAITH 

Why I consider myself tribalist


Okay, the heading might be a little misleading, I’m not actually tribalists in the real sense of the word, I just happen to be all for preserving tribes and their respective cultures in Zambian Society. My reasoning is simply that diversity is usually a good thing. Just look at the great cultural landscape in Africa and the richness it provides; the different music, the different dances, ceremonies (some of which I don’t endorse). I love uniqueness and I believe that the different cultural practices of different tribes, generally, if we want them to, add colour to our lives. Also having to interact with so many groups of people, who might have slight differences or possibly major ones, does grow our ability to tolerate differences and improves our interpersonal skills.

I believe I was born a half-caste child for a reason ordained by God. I don’t believe any aspect of my being is an accident and it serves a purpose in the master plan. I mean God makes no errors. I’m half Bemba, half Nsenga, they are my heritage and I hold them proudly. I have to say though, before being any of those, I am Zambian, before being Zambian I am human, a family member, mother, daughter, sister, friend…but above all those, I am Christian and as paul said, “there is neither Greek nor Jew”. What should govern my view of the world is Christ hanging on a tree, not what my children will eat, neither maintaining a job nor having a husband and definitely “I’m Nsenga or Bemba, Zambian or Australian.

As hard as it is, the minute I identify myself as Nsenga above all else, I will live my life for the Nsenga people above all others, even to the detriment of other tribes. I am Christian first, and no, I don’t always get it right, but when Christ reigns, I see my traits and characteristics through the screen of “Christ died for the world and asks the same of me” and through that screen, I can live as umu Bemba/umu Nsenga and practice my culture without seeing “my people” as superior or inferior and that can be applied to every area of life.  What is it that governs your view of the world around you?

My journey with books


One of my favourite pastimes in this world is reading. I haven’t always been a reader and used to struggle with reading a book to the last page, but  generally my family is a family of readers and to that effect, I remember a quote on my mothers fridge many years ago in Chingola. It read, “a room without books is like a body without a soul…” My reading was very good and I enjoyed reading but I just couldn’t seem to finish a book. I would get a book from the library at school and would read it the first day I got it and would soon forget about it. My elder sister on the other hand could read almost anything and had pretty much read every magazine in the house and many more books; I think the only thing she hadn’t tackled was dad’s side of the bookshelf that stood between the Dinning area and living room; she even got prizes at school.

I remember willingly reading “Are you there God? it’s me Margret” by Judy Blume and I loved it. I’ve probably finished reading other books but that one stands out for me. I think I should have been about 10 or 11 at the time. The next book I remember reading (even though there were others) after that was “Helen Keller” a biography, followed by “Blubber” , another Judy Blume book that I loved and finally, Ben Carson’s “Gifted hands”  All these books, my father bought, and I think caused me to start reading more than the reading that was required for school.

I remember I went down the Mills and Boon route, when I was about twelves years old, a move that I wish I had not made, because of the sexual content I exposed myself to. I remember in boarding school when I was 13 reading two great pieces of writing by a friend and they did in fact come with sex scenes, and had I known what I know now, I wouldn’t have  indulged. I won’t lie about enjoying the two stories, I did and believe that this friend of mine has a gift and her work would be good even without the sex scenes. I read some Daniel Steel novels as well. I have since moved away from anything with sex in it as sex scenes are not good for my system be it in movies or books I can’t handle it and it doesn’t aid my growth as a person or as a Christian.

In senior high school I didn’t read many novels and I can’t even remember any of the books I read. Don’t know why or how. One thing I remember though is I made a book lover out of my best friend :). After my grade 12 exams, I discovered an Author called Francine Rivers. The first book I read by her was “Redeeming love”, which till today is one of my favourite books, if not the favourite. Francine is a Christian and writes with a Christian perspective, but even for non-Christian’s, I believe, her books would make for good reading.  That year I read another book called “Presumed guilty”  by James Scott Bell and loved it. Lately, I mainly only read books by Christian authors because they are usually safe and are not explicit. I also found a website that has free books by a Christian author, Judith Bronte, and while I enjoy her books, I do not really read them anymore, for personal reasons.

I generally read fiction and rarely ever read biographies because very few actually draw me in. I also find science books interesting and generally enjoy them better when I’m not going to be assessed on them or when I can take my time reading them, especially human biology books. I’ve gone from not being able to finish a book unless required to, to staying up late to finish a book and feeling the emotions of the book as I go…even getting angry at the characters. Would I enjoy reading as much as I do now if not for the environment I grew up in? probably not! I wonder where reading will take me next. Do any book lovers out there remember their reading journey?

Mindsets


This post is sort of an edited version of a post I once posted on Facebook. That was back in February 2011, before I got fed up with Facebook and decided to delete my account…Long story!

So one of my greatest passions is my country. I love most things Zambian and feel burdened by the state of things in Zambia. Yes compared to most places in Africa, Zambia isn’t doing tooo bad, but we’re nowhere near where we should be close to 50 years after independence.

The truth is, Zambia will never develop until we, the Zambian’s change our mindsets. We expect our leaders to walk in integrity when we, the ones meant to hold them accountable, don’t hold ourselves accountable and don’t walk in integrity.

I remember a time when certain high school students (some were my classmates) complained about the state of affairs and how when people were voted for, they only cared about lining their pockets…interesting enough, some of them were the ones passing massive pages of notes in our biology exam…And the invigilator, incensed when summoned to the headteacher’s office, could not believe I had reported the matter…apparently I was meant to “help my friends”. I have never been able to understand that concept. How is sharing answers in an exam helping anyone??? How many of those students missed class, or rather went partying at the expense of studying and discipline and yet, I was meant to help them pass their exams. the fact is the student lacks the integrity in writing his exams and yet expects that when put in a position of leadership he would do a better job than those in power.

What’s going to change to make you get to work on time, when you arrived and left school at your desired time? Or missed school all together?

“Whoever can be trusted with little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much” Luke 16:10

Even in parenting, when children show themselves responsible and trustworthy in one area, parents usually increase the level of responsiblity and privileges. How can we take care of a billion dollar building when the $250 000 one is close to collapsing???

How many of us go on a trip and after having some chips, throw the packet out the bus/car window and then complain that the streets are a mess…regardless of what we say, the people in government did not litter our streets. Lets say the government did put bins around, what will stop you from throwing that can of juice on the street when in a rush and a fairways walk away from the bin…

How many of us who are Christian refuse to give money as offering because we have very little and yet expect God to bless us with much??? Or how many of us believe the devil is the one causing us grief when we are the one’s who put ourselves in sticky situations???

How many of us refer to the police as corrupt but never look at ourselves when we pay them a few Kwacha to get out of a road fine???

How many of us vote for leaders because they promised us outrageous things that we knew they couldn’t deliver and yet, we’re filled with disappointment when they leave government a whole lot richer and the country left with more potholes, more broken down buildings and a lot more jobless people?

How many times have you seen a shoprite checkout person refuse to offer the same service offered to a “white” person, to the “black” person? We then complain when the expatriates are given different conditions than the average Zambian. Aren’t both operating on the same principle??? Though there’s more to expatriate rate than meets the eye.

A lot of the time, we look at the “developed” world and see things we would like to have, but if we can’t be trusted to care for what you have now, how can we expect any better? If we see ourselves as victims of our circumstances, how then can we develop. Those circumstances should create in us a desire for change that causes us to think of ways of bettering our lives. It’s funny because I know of people who wouldn’t even consider getting a job as a garden boy when they do not have the funds to get into college or university, rather opting to stay home and wait for a “wealthy” relative to help them out. Others refuse to do odd jobs while applying for jobs after they finish studying even if their parents are struggling, because it’s not prestigious enough. Live your life regardless of how people will view you. Does it matter so much what people think if you know what you’re working towards???

Why do so many of us live in the extremes, either choosing to hold on to all aspects of our culture, even if they don’t benefit us or letting go of our culture altogether and taking on western culture because we feel it’s better. We can learn from the west and they can learn from us. Our differences don’t make us inferior or superior, they are just differences (some things are definitely wrong). Untill we learn to be comfortable in what makes us Zambians and untill we are willing to walk in discomfort and do what is right (not what we think is right but what is actually right based on wisdom) rather than quick fix solutions or copies of the west , we will continue in the same cycles