B1 is a Zambian musician who from what I’ve seen of him, likes to sing about life issues, though some of his songs fall into the “rather” category and as such, this post shouldn’t be considered an endorsement of his music. In the song Perfecto, he sings about women being picky in regards to relationships. Basically he starts off by saying congratulations to a 30-year-old woman who has managed to stay a virgin. He then goes further and talks about how “virgin nkote ilibe maketi”- old virgin has no market…directly translated.

The message he’s trying to push forward is that women shouldn’t be picky and shouldn’t be “fault finders” because there is no one who is perfect and that all guys have faults and are fools in one way or the other and that if we keep finding faults, we will end up old virgins.

I agree with B1 in that we women can be very picky but I don’t agree that an old virgin has no market. A man of virtue will see her character and loves her regardless of age. A lot of us turn down guys because we’re scared and rather than face our fears we hide behind “no guy is good enough”. Face your fears, but don’t settle. Better a virgin at 50 than married to useless man. Decide what the nonnegotiables are but don’t be shallow. better a man who’s not good-looking but has a heart of gold, than a self-centred Mr Good-looking. Decide what the essentials are.  Whatever you want, only you know it. My aunt always says, if you want chakolwa (a drunk), tell God and He will give it.

Problem is, a lot of us don’t even know what we want. We’re serial daters, dating anything male, without considering the character. Some of us are willing to give ourselves to any man in the hope that he will love us? But why pursue something that’s out for the taking, with no cost to him??? In the end we lose out because men like to pursue and no man will marry someone they don’t respect. Cross your legs, or be content with losing out. If you chose to wait, know that “virgin inkote” (old virgin) is a very likely possibility, but be willing to carry the label proudly, because at the end of the day, not everything is about sex and not everyone is meant to get married.

Lastly, once married, it’s for life, so yes, I’m picky about important things because I know what I want and will not settle for less. You can watch the song at this link: