Destination Zambia… wedding Review


Weddings are soooo soooo stressful, I don’t know why anyone would want to plan a wedding again. SO, I have decided to do a wedding review and look at the things that went well and those that didn’t.

So my husband and I got engaged in December 2015 and because we were both not from the capital Lusaka, we started looking at venues while we were there. Part of the problem for us was finding a nice venue that could fit my large family. Looking back though, we should have just picked a venue even if it was a 50 people place. Family always understands in the end. Some of the places people were suggesting were too far out of the price point that we didn’t even bother looking at them. Being outside Zambia, we had to factor in flights and all so we were trying to keep the budget in check.

We had wanted to do the decor the night before but that decision died and you will understand why later, however, I purchased most of our decor stuff before hand on facebook pages and also from ikea and my husband organised wooden slices in Zambia. We did our invites with the help of le familia (God bless you all.)

I wish we had done the song lists and finished the seating plan long before travelling and again it would have been easier if I had let my dad do it like he had offered. Be prepared though for resistance if you are a Zambian planning on using a seating plan. We Zambians hate seating plans. Here’s why they are good, though–you know your guests or the majority of them better than anyone else who has a stake in the invitation process and only you know how central to the proceedings certain people need to be.

Because our seating plan got thrown out, I could see, one particular guest seating at a table with the oldies and not really seeming to enjoy the day. There were also some guests who have been such a huge blessing and have practically helped raise me seating so far back and not in the spot we would have loved.

I wish I had gone home more than 3 weeks before the wedding. There were so many things to do and it all just got too stressful and things like my songlist were being done the night before. Church service also needed to be sorted and that was a process on it’s own. If you are planning a wedding in an African church, understand that it will require a lot to get you to the alter … But the bulk of it is for your good anyway.

Organising things from so far away is hard and even harder if you want to save money so advice would be start early and find someone you can depend on. I had plenty of people I could depend on but was struggling to convey my needs. It was a very stressful time and I found myself sooo anxious all the time, which wasn’t a norm for me and was not communicating very well. If I had said from the beginning to my mummy B, I need help with abc, things would have gone so much smoother. All in all, the family was on the ball, having meetings and my brother running around with my husband … So I guess I wish I had just communicated better.

I also learnt that there are always people’s opinions on how things should run. Decide what exactly you want before taking it to the “people”. Zambian weddings are not just for the bride and groom but belong to the family. If you don’t have a plan, it will be made for you.

The greatest thing was seeing people’s capacity for support. Seeing my father’s sisters, ba mayo senge, there to walk with me, seeing people I don’t remember ever seeing, seeing those I would have never expected, walk with me, some giving in unexpected ways. If my wedding taught me anything, it’s the strength of my circle,the strength of my clan, the dedication of parents and the ability and strength of God to tear walls down, build and restore as well as provide. Ultimately of all the things He provided was a starter pack. I found in my husband, an adventure and safety in a man I can trust and I hope that that rings true for Him too.

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Ponderings brought on by a book


Some times, you read a book and find yourself the centre of the story. It puts what you have never been able to articulate, into meaningful sentences, leaving you feeling exposed and raw. It leaves you in tears and tears open the bandages you’ve covered over the wound that have not allowed it to heal. It has festered, and where you once had soft tissue, your heart has hardened. You find yourself in pain again, only you know it’s always been there and sometimes you’ve acknowledged it, but most times, you push it down. In trying to escape it you find you lose yourself and the confidence you once held. You don’t know the person you’ve become and you wonder when the struggle for peace and sanity ends. The book makes you realise that you might never totally heal and the things you are holding on to are things you know are choking the life out of you but you are not willing to let go because you don’t really know what else you have left. That’s what Francine Rivers’ Her daughter’s dream did for me and God I pray that somehow, you soften this heart.

Zahara


one of the best musicians the world has seen

one of the best musicians the world has seen

Zahara; there’s only one word to discribe her voice: WOW! This woman can sing! She’s a South African musician and even though part of this blog is dedicated to teaching people about Zambia, just had to share because I can’t get enough of her. So here’s a video  of her song Ndiza, posted by Rocky12345 on youtube, complete with Lyrics . I do not know how correct the lyrics are as I am not Xhosa nor South African, but from searching online, they seem pretty correct. The same channel has more of her songs with the lyrics so happy listening 🙂

Perfecto by B1…a review…sort of


B1 is a Zambian musician who from what I’ve seen of him, likes to sing about life issues, though some of his songs fall into the “rather” category and as such, this post shouldn’t be considered an endorsement of his music. In the song Perfecto, he sings about women being picky in regards to relationships. Basically he starts off by saying congratulations to a 30-year-old woman who has managed to stay a virgin. He then goes further and talks about how “virgin nkote ilibe maketi”- old virgin has no market…directly translated.

The message he’s trying to push forward is that women shouldn’t be picky and shouldn’t be “fault finders” because there is no one who is perfect and that all guys have faults and are fools in one way or the other and that if we keep finding faults, we will end up old virgins.

I agree with B1 in that we women can be very picky but I don’t agree that an old virgin has no market. A man of virtue will see her character and loves her regardless of age. A lot of us turn down guys because we’re scared and rather than face our fears we hide behind “no guy is good enough”. Face your fears, but don’t settle. Better a virgin at 50 than married to useless man. Decide what the nonnegotiables are but don’t be shallow. better a man who’s not good-looking but has a heart of gold, than a self-centred Mr Good-looking. Decide what the essentials are.  Whatever you want, only you know it. My aunt always says, if you want chakolwa (a drunk), tell God and He will give it.

Problem is, a lot of us don’t even know what we want. We’re serial daters, dating anything male, without considering the character. Some of us are willing to give ourselves to any man in the hope that he will love us? But why pursue something that’s out for the taking, with no cost to him??? In the end we lose out because men like to pursue and no man will marry someone they don’t respect. Cross your legs, or be content with losing out. If you chose to wait, know that “virgin inkote” (old virgin) is a very likely possibility, but be willing to carry the label proudly, because at the end of the day, not everything is about sex and not everyone is meant to get married.

Lastly, once married, it’s for life, so yes, I’m picky about important things because I know what I want and will not settle for less. You can watch the song at this link: 

My journey with books


One of my favourite pastimes in this world is reading. I haven’t always been a reader and used to struggle with reading a book to the last page, but  generally my family is a family of readers and to that effect, I remember a quote on my mothers fridge many years ago in Chingola. It read, “a room without books is like a body without a soul…” My reading was very good and I enjoyed reading but I just couldn’t seem to finish a book. I would get a book from the library at school and would read it the first day I got it and would soon forget about it. My elder sister on the other hand could read almost anything and had pretty much read every magazine in the house and many more books; I think the only thing she hadn’t tackled was dad’s side of the bookshelf that stood between the Dinning area and living room; she even got prizes at school.

I remember willingly reading “Are you there God? it’s me Margret” by Judy Blume and I loved it. I’ve probably finished reading other books but that one stands out for me. I think I should have been about 10 or 11 at the time. The next book I remember reading (even though there were others) after that was “Helen Keller” a biography, followed by “Blubber” , another Judy Blume book that I loved and finally, Ben Carson’s “Gifted hands”  All these books, my father bought, and I think caused me to start reading more than the reading that was required for school.

I remember I went down the Mills and Boon route, when I was about twelves years old, a move that I wish I had not made, because of the sexual content I exposed myself to. I remember in boarding school when I was 13 reading two great pieces of writing by a friend and they did in fact come with sex scenes, and had I known what I know now, I wouldn’t have  indulged. I won’t lie about enjoying the two stories, I did and believe that this friend of mine has a gift and her work would be good even without the sex scenes. I read some Daniel Steel novels as well. I have since moved away from anything with sex in it as sex scenes are not good for my system be it in movies or books I can’t handle it and it doesn’t aid my growth as a person or as a Christian.

In senior high school I didn’t read many novels and I can’t even remember any of the books I read. Don’t know why or how. One thing I remember though is I made a book lover out of my best friend :). After my grade 12 exams, I discovered an Author called Francine Rivers. The first book I read by her was “Redeeming love”, which till today is one of my favourite books, if not the favourite. Francine is a Christian and writes with a Christian perspective, but even for non-Christian’s, I believe, her books would make for good reading.  That year I read another book called “Presumed guilty”  by James Scott Bell and loved it. Lately, I mainly only read books by Christian authors because they are usually safe and are not explicit. I also found a website that has free books by a Christian author, Judith Bronte, and while I enjoy her books, I do not really read them anymore, for personal reasons.

I generally read fiction and rarely ever read biographies because very few actually draw me in. I also find science books interesting and generally enjoy them better when I’m not going to be assessed on them or when I can take my time reading them, especially human biology books. I’ve gone from not being able to finish a book unless required to, to staying up late to finish a book and feeling the emotions of the book as I go…even getting angry at the characters. Would I enjoy reading as much as I do now if not for the environment I grew up in? probably not! I wonder where reading will take me next. Do any book lovers out there remember their reading journey?