Last time i wrote on here, I was coming to the end of the semester, what I didn’t realise was that my Professional Practice would be even more demanding. I made it to the end and have been trying to gain my bearings before round two hits. I have been writing the last few weeks though. I have in recent days been pondering my thought processes and due to a recent “mishap of words” as I would call it, I have come to this conclusion … “I was not created for diplomacy”. I have a tendency to say things that rub people the wrong way and sometimes, it might seem like I just don’t care how people see me. I do care, I just don’t think the way everyone else does. I’ve felt sorry for myself, wanted to change, wanted to be someone else, wanted to just conform. I still want that, I can’t lie, because it would save me so much grief.
This week, I have come face to face with the face of my grief … More than that, I have come face to face with the power of words. My father once told me that I have great ability to bring people together … but though I’ve known, for a while now, that I have the power to divide, I have never seen it quite as clearly as I do now? Words carry so much power … symbols carry power … each letter, each punctuation, each combination. Words can unite and divide but no matter what you mean, words are only as powerful as the person perceives them. In the end, there are no explanations to make up for the hurts they may cause.
The feeling then, that i was not created for diplomacy, has left me feeling unsure of myself and this gift people say I have. I love to put words down, but even when I don’t put them down for the love of it, they carry a meaning. People see them as they receive them and yes, sometimes the packaging helps, but once received, we are responsible for whatever the effect of those words is. I was not created for diplomacy, but i was not created for war either. Maybe what I was called for lies somewhere in-between, but I don’t know where exactly that is … or if being somewhere in-between is even a possibility