Living without Him

I’ve been married a little over a year and have known my husband for about 14 years, and probably, as hindsight would have me believe, loved him for close to that. In the time we have been married, we have spent about 8 months in the same place and the other 8 apart. This seperation, especially the last 2 months have been HARD! Now some people would ask, why aren’t you living together when you love each other? There are two answers for that … Paperwork! And God!

Australia’s spouse visa process is a long and taxing process. Just answering the huge number of questions relating to our relationship is atleast a days work and then there’s the large number of evidence that needs attaching after you have paid the $7000 price tag for love.

Second is God. I keep trying to remember that God takes us where He will and opens doors and closes them, and leaves us in the waiting que for whatever reason. I say this because all authority that exisits exists because He allows it to. So in line with that, the visa will be granted when it’s granted.

I’ve learnt, in this period of waiting, how dependent on my husband, I am and how much I love him. I talk to him every chance I get but also that despite love being present, when we can’t see someone, it becomes harder to be vulnerable or maintain those lines of communication. Many a time, when our communication fails, misunderstandings, hurt and arguments follow and even when theres no misunderstandings or arguments, our lives just seem less happy, but the less we talk, the less transparent we want to be, which makes starting up that communication harder.

In being married, I have discovered that as much as I dislike hangouts with people I am not comfortable with, I love quality time with those I love. Now, this got me thinking, if in the absence of my loving, amazing but flawed husband, I can struggle for sanity so much, why don’t I struggle when the lines of communication are dying between me and my perfect God? God still speaks through His scriptures, that we so casually maime for our amusement or for itching ears. When we set time to dine with Him and hear from Him, our joy is made complete, we find our place, and no matter what goes wrong with us, we can stand with Him by our side.

I’ve found myself wondering why, as Christ’s bride, the church, members of His blessed body, we do not yearn for Him like a wife longs for her husband. With my husband being away, no other person entices, and yet, with Christ, there are so many things that entice and cause us to doubt His nearness. My prayer is that I grow to love my Christ, more than anything in this world, including my husband and I hope and pray that that would be the case for us all, those of us who, like a husband and wife, have been made one with Christ.

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