How my mother saved me from one incident of molestation

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so today I read a sad story about a 13-year-old who was molested by a vice principal at a her school and the sad events that followed. I couldn’t help but think of my own daughter who is 14 and whether she would be comfortable enough to talk to me about any such experiences. I sometimes wonder, like many parents if we have done enough to protect her or if ever it is possible to protect her.

I was reminded of my own experience from about 20 years ago. I am a Trust school kid, and at the time was in Grade three. I was one of those students who didn’t do her homework and didn’t finish her work in class but still managed to come 12th out of 24 students on the grade ladder. Eventually I think my teacher and my headmistress tired of my attitude and notified my parents. Mum straightened me out on the homework front, but my speed when carrying out tasks was none-existen … still isn’t great. One afternoon, another student and I didn’t finish taking down notes and we were asked by our teacher to go back and finish them (we could go home and eat lunch and then go back  to school). I went  home and because I lived 30 minutes out-of-town, by the time dad dropped me off at the school my classmate had already left.

I went into the class and started taking down notes and a janitor came in to clean the class. At some point he was  standing close to me, and though I can’t remember the conversation, I felt uncomfortable. He reached to touch my face and I pulled away. He kept reaching and I was going to fall off the chair when I blurted out “I’m going to tell my mum”. He left me alone and I stayed clear of him every time I saw him in school. Of course I didn’t tell anyone about it but the reason I have blurted out that I would tell my mum was that I had remembered my mum saying that if anyone touched us in a way we didn’t like (not her exact words) that we should tell her.

I moved to the upper trust school the following year and sometime later, the same Janitor was with another janitor (one who was nice to students) and he tried to join a conversation that the nice janitor was having with me and my sister. I pointed out that I didn’t like him and that I hadn’t forgotten what he had done. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about and I insisted he did and he walked away. His collegue looked puzzled and hezitated before continuing the conversation.

Just that one experience has informed my parenting in an attempt to protect my daughter, but I don’t know if it is effective or not. I started telling her about inappropriate touch from about 2 and a half and tried to make it  clear that if anyone touched her in a way that made her feel bad, she should tell me. Why those words? because most sexual abuse victims will tell you that they felt something was wrong or they felt bad or ashamed and the language needs to make sense to the child. As she’s grown older, my language has also changed and sometimes I simply give her scenarios and ask for her responses. By no means do I think it’s fool-proof, but our options are  limited. We can’t go everywhere with our children but we can give them tools to protect themselves. Even with those tools, their courage may fail, or things might still happen for whatever reason. In such cases, remember to not place blame on the child, and to show them they are loved. And always remember to pray, because where we don’t go, God still goes, and in the end, His ways are higher and His healing hands always able to bind what the enemy destroys.

As for this child, I pray that she  finds peace and that she remembers her worth and beauty and the courage to live life to it’s fullest.

 

my experience buying a dress from Owprom

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I bought a dress from Owprom.com for my wedding. I was looking for a different kind of dress and found one I liked in a store but it was too expensive. I decided to check online for it and I found it. I checked the website and made sure there was nothing funny about it and it was listed as an American Company. I bought the dress and online banking showed two transactions by a Chinese company. That was rectified with one transaction reversed. when it was shipped, I was given a tracking number and when I checked where the parcel was, discovered it was coming from Singapore. When it arrived, was the wrong colour and didn’t have a built in corset as advertised and the lace at the top looked a bit funny. a tailor’s pin was also sewn into the dress. The veil is horribly done and can’t be used. I have been in contact with the Company and a lady called Fiona has refused to give me a full refund, offering me $80 to $200 and keeping a dress I can’t use on a total Au$570 spend. She says they can only guarantee that a dress will be 95% similar and that dress was not near 95% similar and that  was not stated on the website. I have checked the site again and the description of the dress has changed and doesn’t come with a built in corset anymore. If any you are thinking of buying a dress from Owprom.com … don’t do it!

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I was not created for diplomacy

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Last time i wrote on here, I was coming to the end of the semester, what I didn’t realise was that my Professional Practice would be even more demanding. I made it to the end and have been trying to gain my bearings before round two hits. I have been writing the last few weeks though. I have in recent days been pondering my thought processes and due to a recent “mishap of words” as I would call it, I have come to this conclusion … “I was not created for diplomacy”. I have a tendency to say things that rub people the wrong way and sometimes, it might seem like I just don’t care how people see me. I do care, I just don’t think the way everyone else does. I’ve felt sorry for myself, wanted to change, wanted to be someone else, wanted to just conform. I still want that, I can’t lie, because it would save me so much grief.

This week, I have come face to face with the face of my grief … More than that, I have come face to face with the power of words. My father once told me that I have great ability to bring people together … but though I’ve known, for a while now, that I have the power to divide, I have never seen it quite as clearly as I do now? Words carry so much power … symbols carry power … each letter, each punctuation, each combination. Words can unite and divide but no matter what you mean, words are only as powerful as the person perceives them. In the end, there are no explanations to make up for the hurts they may cause.

The feeling then, that i was not created for diplomacy, has left me feeling unsure of myself and this gift people say I have. I love to put words down, but even when I don’t put them down for the love of it, they carry a meaning. People see them as they receive them and yes, sometimes the packaging helps, but once received, we are responsible for whatever the effect of those words is. I was not created for diplomacy, but i was not created for war either. Maybe what I was called for lies somewhere in-between, but I don’t know where exactly that is … or if being somewhere in-between is even a possibility

 

 

 

 

 

hanging on

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The semester is coming to an end, a hard semester that left me feeling hopeless and fearful. sometimes, it almost paralysed me. I guess if it taught me anything, it’s that there’s always a little more to give. Even at the point when it looks like you are going to break, there’s still more to give. Sometimes things just go horribly wrong and we are left wondering just how we are going to get through this phase, but we must soldier on-just go with the flow and keep going. At the end of it, God walks with us. There have been times when I have wanted to just give up, today is one of those days, but instead of doing that, I thought I would write instead … get some perspective. If my friend can keep walking after witnessing her baby sister’s death, I can keep going despite my pains. If my loved ones can keep walking, then so can I, one day at a time, living in the moment, taking life as it comes. Some days are full of tears, some full of joy, but still a day at a go. Before you know it, half a year has gone by. Right now, there’s an assessment that I had started but forgot to save, no point crying about it, just have to get on with it. Haven’t slept well in a few days and have been unwell. Today, even with deadlines looming, I will sleep, allow my body some reset time and get back to one day at a time in the morning, knowing that no matter what happens, I will get to where I need to be, even as stale as I feel right now.

Beautiful Wild flower

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Beautiful wild flower,

Delicate and pure,

Plucked just before it’s bloom,

It’s the Master’s field,

He decides

 

Love’s rarest of beauties,

Now clothed in white,

Before we could see purple turn to white

What to do with these her gifts?

 

Oh rarest of princesses

Now in Christ’s fields to grow

In His arms to sleep

Not married to her prince as was hoped

Now forever joined to her God

 

Prince of peace,

Comfort our hearts

Bring joy behind this veil of tears

shine light into the building darkness

 

Dawn seems forever lost,

the sun set on this her life

May the Son, His glorious light shine

As He comes to take this our cross,

Jesus forever glorified in death or life

Nenanji our sister and friend,

Rest in Christ alone

Forevermore, till He calls us home.

 

Death

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World war three is raging over my soul, my temptations are plenty, my fears tremendous and my apathy, deadly!

I find relief in my cruel arms, mental fog clears just long enough for me to see the blood on my hands. Before Esau can appear, I’ve stubbed myself again,slowly, receiving my wage.

I’m dying

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He wa born, He lived, He took, on Hos shoulders, our weight of sin.  For His glory, for our sakes, he took it all.

Hope for the fallen

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We all fall at one point or the other … at least I know that I do. In Leviticus, we are given a list of does and don’ts that go beyond the 10 commandments. Reading Leviticus, I find myself being checked for sin and being found guilty, but also as it speaks of sacrifices, it points to Christ redeeming us. If anyone of us is stuck in a painful aftermath of disobedience to God,  read Leviticus 26 and find hope. Read the whole chapter and pay particular attention to verses 44 onward. Despite it all, He keeps His covenant with us and loves us, so keep your eyes on Jesus, don’t falter in your sin.

We found him

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We’ve been looking for an old man …for a few years now. Yesterday, we got some good news. We found his grandson … only we found him 3 months too late …too late. The old man died, probably wondering what had happened to all of us; Our old man probably felt abandoned by his people … his clan. We found him 3 months too late ……. only for griefs sake. I have found the elderly to be treasures, I seek them out, almost. My elderly family members are rare, so I try as much as possible to enjoy them while I have the chance. Death is certain, but it always hurts, even with the hope of Christ, it burns … I wish I could say otherwise, but today, I feel so so sad. We found him, a little too late …

Family

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Family are the friends that God picks for us. Once they are gone, there’s no getting them back, so love them, treat them like the rare beauty they are. Don’t focus so much on what they do wrong, but look at their good and love them despite their flaws. Love big, love selflessly, like your life depends on it and expend your care, because there comes a time when you can’t shower that love on anyone.