His scent was better than that of honey suckle and his lips sweeter than honey. His tongue seemed covered in it and before I knew it, I was caught in a web it span. He was a sweet talker. I was young and foolish. He put his arm against the small of my back and I melted into him. We fit like two puzzle pieces, intended for each other. His lips felt warm and tender against mine and all my defences dissolved. I gave myself whole heartedly to him, my heart that is.
He seemed so gentle until he started wanting to know my every move. He seemed sure that because I would not sleep with him, I didn’t love him. Then the accusations started. Whenever I missed his call…I remember the first time his hands circled my throat. I was so sure he would kill me. He let me go and I doubled over, clutching my throat as my airway refused to open. When I finally recovered, he picked me up. “If you’re going to be my wife, learn to submit.”
He wasn’t a bad man, just had a temper like a viper. My father didn’t seem to like him but my mother and his family convinced him he was a God-fearing man who came from a lovely family. What they didn’t know was, his mother was, like I was to become, a battered woman, I remember the lessons…the ones we’re given before the wedding. I tried my best to do what he expected and yet it was never good enough.
I didn’t mean to kill him, but here I am, labelled as a murderer. I was fast asleep when I was pulled out of bed. He was too drunk to even know what he was doing. I was in bed fast asleep and before I knew it, I was fighting for my life. I was fighting for my life! Who am I kidding? I am still fighting for my life. In here, TB will probably kill me. A child died yesterday from it and her mother is wasting away. I hear people coughing all the time.
God, my children are suffering all because I stayed! I tried, but they always sent me back. Ba Tata was right all along. He saw something that I couldn’t and when I did see it, I still married him. There’s no justice in this world. I won’t even have the means to care for my children. His family has probably taken everything. OH GOD WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE WOMEN ARE BEATEN, SOMETIMES TO DEATH? I am sure he would have killed me. I pushed him to stop him hitting me, I just never thought he would hit his head and die. God, do you see what has become of your child? Even the people in the old testament had cities of refuge, when you killed someone without intent…but here in a Christian nation, there is no justice.